Police: Man Left Porn, Adult Toys On Women’s Doorsteps

“Oklahoma City police say a man left pornographic material and sexual toys on the doors of two women.

Officers have applied for a warrant to arrest Jamison Ives Marchette, 41, of Midwest City. Police say he left pornographic magazines, video tapes and adult toys in sacks on the women’s porches.

Officers say Marchette approached one of the women and claimed to have seen another person around her door when the items were left. However, police say Marchette’s fingerprints were found on the bag containing the items.

The other women told police she saw Marchette on her porch about 4:30 a.m. The women claimed he was trying to look inside her home, but then attempted to hide when he saw her. The victim told officers that she had also received a bag containing similar items about one week earlier.

Both women picked Marchette out of a photo lineup.”

I’m bored so I decided to transform this dude into DILDO CLAUS:

IDK it’s Friday.

OKC Man Arrested For Embezzling Spare Ribs

“A metro man is arrested for allegedly embezzling spare ribs.

The suspect worked as a truck driver for a business on the city’s southeast side.

Unfortunately, the parking lot at Crossroads Mall isn’t a crowded place these days.

That made it easy for employees at a nearby trucking company to see one of their drivers, Terry Moore, allegedly unloading boxes of spare ribs from his semi truck.

The suspect admits what he did was wrong but claims he didn’t mean to break the law.

“What I did was, I put it in my daughter’s car so I wouldn’t have to be carrying it around. I shouldn’t have done it. It’s my fault,” Moore said.

Moore claims his semi-load had simply been overweight and that’s why he lightened the load by taking out two $80-boxes of ribs.

That is a violation of company policy. 

His managers didn’t believe his excuse so they decided to press charges.

“I hate that it happened,” Moore said. “I don’t even eat ribs ’cause I never thought it was worth the effort. They didn’t believe me, so what can I do?”

“He said he was putting it into a car to transport it to the business to save time, but obviously that’s something you can’t do,” OKC Police MSgt. Gary Knight said.

Whether it’s ribs, cash or anything else, Oklahoma City said the bottom line is, if you’re taking things from your employer and they don’t know it, theft is theft.

“It’s stealing whether you’re taking money from a business or whatever. It’s something of value and it’s stealing either way,” Knight said.

“I never should have took it out of the truck to haul the stuff to the depot like I did. I was in the wrong but should anybody have been arrested for it? Probably not,” Moore said.

So far the rib fiasco has not cost Terry his job.”

There is probably a smart ass Chili’s reference that should go here.

YES THAT’S RIGHT BIKINI HOCKEY REALITY TV IS GETTING ITS START RIGHT HERE IN TULSA, OKLAHOMA.

“The first sign that the Bikini Hockey League is going to offer excellent competition and players with extraordinary skill is that it’s being created for a reality television program in which all the girls live in a mansion. Hopefully in lieu of roses, they do a stick ceremony.

The second sign is on the League’s casting call page, which literally makes no mention that the ability to play hockey is an necessity for applicants. But forget that full-length bikini butt shot and you’re disqualified, ma’am!

We kid, we kid. Everyone knows what’s up with the Bikini Hockey League, in which buxom beauties will form two teams of inline hockey in Tulsa, OK, (!!!!) while frolicking together for the cameras. Keith Whitmire of Fox Sports Southwest has all the background on the league, interviewing founder Cary Eskridge:

Expansion to a full-blown league with franchises in other cities is in the talking stages. For now, Eskridge is scouting for a mansion to house the players in during tryouts, a la The Bachelor.

Man, them’s fightin’ words about the Lingerie Football League, setting up the inevitable pay-per-view crossover between the franchises … god willing with the Thongs Only Rugby association.

From their official release on the Bikini league:

“One of Tulsa’s biggest events on a national scale is the Chili Bowl Midget Nationals held every year at the QuikTrip Center. Many thought it would never work when it started more than 25 years ago and now Tulsa is one of the biggest reasons that event works here.”

As for the Bikini League, it’s not going to be a gaggle of model/actresses. Some players already booked for the show have hockey backgrounds. Fox Sports mentioned Ashley Van Boxmeer, a bikini fitness competitor; if the name sounds familiar, that’s because her father is John Van Boxmeer, Stanley Cup winner with the Montreal Canadiens and assistant coach with the Los Angeles Kings.”

Well, I think we can all agree this is awful. THAT BEING SAID, I will totally watch. Hope these ladies have some comprehensive dental and medical insurance though.

Teacher Arrested At School, Charged With Public Intoxication

“A Claremore teacher was arrested at school and charged with public intoxication Wednesday.

Police said middle school teacher Sherri Lea Fernandez was slurring her speech and was unsteady on her feet. 

She had taken some prescription medication hours before class, police said.

The incident was under investigation.”

Classic mugshot there, Sherri.

Police: Cross-Dresser Breaks Into SE OKC Home

“An Oklahoma City homeowner was awakened overnight by a male intruder dressed in a wig and woman’s swimsuit, police said.

Police confirm it’s not the first time Gregory Adam Streater, 28, has been arrested on suspicion of burglary while dressed in women’s clothing.

Police responded to the incident, in the 6100 block of Southeast 86th Street, early Wednesday morning.

The homeowner told police he woke up when somebody started fondling his leg. When he looked up, he found a man — later identified as Streater — wearing a woman’s one-piece swimsuit and wig. Police said that Streater asked for a drink of water and told the homeowner that he was high.

The homeowner tried to hold Streater in his bathroom until police arrived, but he got away and ran into the street.

With the help of a K-9 unit and a police helicopter, officers found Streater hiding down a nearby road, police said. Officers found the intruder’s wig and shoes outside the home.

According to the police report, the intruder’s swimsuit was a blue and green Hawaiian style one-piece. It was booked into evidence.”

This isn’t his first drag burglary rodeo either:

Police: Cross-Dressing Burglar Wore Lace Top, High Heels

Man Sets Self On Fire Trying To Burn Other Man

“Police said an argument between two intoxicated campers took a fiery turn late Tuesday night.

Edmond Officer James Hamm said, “This guy grabbed some gasoline, pouring it over his head and was going to light him on fire.”

Edmond police said the suspect, Timothy Beeson, told another man, “I’m gonna send your a** to hell,” before dousing him with a gasoline-water mixture.

The plan backfired.

According to Hamm, “When he attempted to do that, he lit his own arm on fire.”

Beeson later admitted to police, “He had half a pint of whiskey,” before the altercation.

The quick-thinking victim was able to avoid injury by jumping into the nearby water.

Hamm said, “Thank goodness the lake was there to prevent this from happening.”

Beeson was captured speeding down Route 66.

Authorities said he smelled of booze and gasoline.”

Tulsa Mother Charged After 7th Drug-Addicted Baby Born

“Child neglect charges have been filed against a Tulsa woman after her baby was born addicted to cocaine a few weeks ago.

What makes this case so unusual is that it’s her seventh baby that’s been either born addicted to drugs or taken away for abuse.

District attorney Tim Harris says enough is enough, and this case is no longer just a matter for DHS but also the courts. The case is now in his office and charges are pending.

Records show 34-year-old Daiquiri Miller has been booked into the Tulsa County jail 14 different times. Police say most of her arrests involved drugs and prostitution.

She has also given birth to seven children; the most recent on March 31st of this year, a girl who police say was born addicted to cocaine.

“The mother did admit to her doctor that she had used cocaine on a nearly daily basis while pregnant and did not have prenatal care, other than one appointment 10 weeks before birth,” Tulsa Police Corporal Greg Smith said.

Records show Miller had a baby girl in 1997, who was taken away at three months old by DHS because of a broken leg.

They show she had a baby boy two years later, who was born addicted to crack cocaine and marijuana. The next year, she had a girl who tested positive at birth to marijuana.

In 2006, she had another girl, and this one made it four months before being removed.

“She was found in an alley with her mom and the boyfriend,” Smith said. “They were both smoking crack cocaine with the four month old in the van with them at night.”

Three years later in 2009, she had a boy who was born addicted to crack. In 2010, she had another baby boy addicted to crack at birth, and last month, a girl addicted to cocaine.

Normally, DHS works with mothers to get them rehab and to get clean, but because this pattern is so terrible, this mother now faces felony charges.

“This mother has shown it’s not going to work,” Smith said. “She doesn’t care. Drugs are more important than her children. She’s going to keep having drug addicted babies.”

Miller has been charged with neglect for her last three babies born addicted to drugs. The DA can’t file charges for the other four children, because the statute of limitations. The next step is for an arrest warrant to be issued for Miller.”

This is what happens when you give your child a stripper name.

TODAY IN SUPER IMPORTANT NEWS: Broken Arrow Geese Family Goes For A Swim

“Five young goslings spent the weekend enjoying the great Oklahoma weather by taking their first swim.

A NewsOn6.com reader sent us video of a mother goose leading her goslings down into the pond near the Los Cabos and Bass Pro Shops in Broken Arrow.

The mother jumped in and turned around to try and coax the little ones to follow, but they weren’t too sure about the water. The mother goose splashed around to show them it was okay, and another goose, possibly the father, swam over to encourage them too.

The video shows one gosling jumping in and swimming over by the mother goose’s side. Shortly after, the other goslings splashed into the water.

People standing near the pond started cheering as the mother goose led them further into the water for their first swim.”

This was legit one of the top headlines:

IDK guys. Cute video at the source.

Ted Nugent Questioned By Secret Service In Oklahoma

“After meeting with rocker Ted Nugent, the Secret Service said its probe into what Nugent had to say about President Barack Obama is over.

Last weekend during a National Rifle Association meeting in St. Louis, Nugent said of the Obama administration: “We need to ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off in November.” He also said he would be “dead or in jail by this time next year” if Obama is re-elected.

That drew the attention of the Secret Service. Nugent said he discussed the matter with two agents on Thursday while in Oklahoma.

“I spotlighted cockroaches and rallied those who care to stomp ‘em out at the voting booth in November, as is my duty as an American,” Nugent said. “By no stretch of the imagination did I threaten anyone’s life or hint at violence or mayhem. Metaphors needn’t be explained to educated people.”

A spokesman for the agency, Brian Leary, said the issue has been resolved and that the Secret Service does not anticipate any further action.

Nugent said he’s never made threats of violence against anyone. He was in Oklahoma Thursday night for a show in Ardmore.

OH TED NUGENT, YOU SO CRAZY. No, like literally crazy. Thank god this dude gets to own guns, am I right?